I refer here to thread from Psilocyin Mushroom tribe: tribes.tribe.net/psilocybi...9d0ee1a1b4

I posted here on 6/7/08 and then on 6/20/08 I had an attack which put me in the hospital for a month that was eventually diagnosed as ADEM (acute dissimilated encephalitis) and also MS. Perhaps I am delusional but there seems to be a relationship between the posts and I find it all uncanny. Last Spring, after a series of high dose mushroom experiences, I gave myself to what I consider to be the Plant Mind of the planet, our Gaia Spirit Mother of this planet in a private, blood ceremony that I took and continue to take quite seriously. It was after this that I began “hearing voices” which I think were the or voice of the mushroom elders - or mushroom ally. The voices concentrated on my spiritual well being, healing me emotionally and spiritually as well as teaching me and nurturing me during a really difficult time. They also showed me love like I have never known. One of the many things they “said” was that “Love is the only power you possess” And as usual I had to fill out their message as they seemed to have difficult time with language. What they meant was that all other power that we think we have is illusion and the only power we actually have in this world is the power “to love” a verb. I think of this constantly. There is only one answer to every question and the answer is Love. It is corny as hell yes but there it is.
In the hospital in Lubbock, Texas - a four hour ambulance ride from our little mountain village in New Mexico, I was in ICU for two weeks and at one point the neurologist, who at this time did not know what was wrong with me, told my wife that I might not make it. I had lost my ability to speak but was lucid. I was stiff as a board, paralyzed from head to foot, muscles constantly contracting. My wife and I had spoken of this eventually and both agreed that if something like this happened we would want to know so she told me. I realized that what she was saying was that the neurologists was really saying that I might die. At this time, I was on IV steroids, IV antibiotics and IV antiviral since they didn’t know what was going on with me and were covering all the bases. I had no fear of death whatsoever and I directly attribute this to my mushroom experiences. My wife cried and she never cries - she from Texas, Dammit. The fact that she was crying really made it sink in. She never cries except for something to do with animals, especially dogs.
I told her not to worry. That death was like walking from one room into another, and our finances were taken care for that eventuality.
This made my experience with the mushrooms real to me. At some level even for me, my mushroom inspired odyssey of the last year was not legitimate somehow but this experience in the hospital brought it home to me. I thought: I have died before, I know how to do this. I felt no need to struggle or fight and just gave in totally, as I had done with the mushrooms. If I live, I live, if I die, I die, was the thought. I would wake and hear the nurses out on the floor a few feet away speaking quietly about who died during the night. I would see it was morning by the clock. My wife, Jana’ would usually be sleeping in a hard backed chair with her head rested on a pillow on the railing of my bed. I would think, sort grinning ironically, that I was alive another day. I had a strong sense that there was nothing I could do. The mushroom had given me an inner understanding of my eternal self. They made eternity a reality for me. I knew at the deepest level of my being that this body, even its attending soul, is only a vehicle for my eternal self. The mushrooms gave me this gift - what is this but possibly the greatest gift of all?
I felt as though I were on a small ship sailing out at sea, at the whim of the currents and the winds, with no sail just drifting along.
One morning I heard my neurologist outside the curtain and he exclaimed in a high, almost childish voice: “the latest MRI shows no further damage” evidently speaking to my ICU nurse. Jana’ had stepped away. I thought, that’s nice, he does care. I could hear that in his voice. Also, I could hear how much he had not been sure if I would make it. I realized then how little the doctors could really do. By this time this neurologist was convinced that it was the IV steroids that was doing the trick but I was still on IV antibiotics and IV antiviral medication since we were waiting on the results of two spinal taps from labs in California.
Now I am home and can walk with a walker around the house and should have a full or almost full recovery from this attack but will have to really do The Tighten Up with nutrition and exercise. All and all, I really do feel fortunate. For some the steroids do not have such a dramatic effect - it could have went the other way. So I have reason to feel fortunate. I am so glad to be home. It is only 56 degrees out at 10:30am and very dark and cloudy. We have been getting blessed rain pretty much every day since I have been home. Listening to the rain is awesome, as beautiful as any symphony.
The odd thing is that I felt since last Spring that I would be called upon to sacrifice something significant. I had an ominous feeling about all along. This feeling came after I gave myself to what I consider to the Plant Consciousness of the planet, dedicating my life force to the needs of our Gaia Mother. I did not and do not regret this decision, which I made with a blood ceremony and continue to take very seriously. I think this MS thing is the sacrifice, although I regret how Catholic that sounds. In an odd way it is like trading meaning, purpose and direction for MS, and I am convinced that while not something I choose or want, the MS will make me a better writer and a better person - again, a small price to pay in this world but the blink of an eye in eternity.
My boat is just a little banged up is all.
“Following the Mushroom Path”.